Does it mean that I am really getting old when...

someone from high school friend requests me on facebook and I can not for the life of me figure out who they are? And when they say, "It's been so long", how do you answer that? Should I say, "It has been", which sounds nicer than, "Have we ever met in my life"? :)

I thought I was getting old when they played all of my favorite 80's hairbands on VH1 classic. I knew I was getting older when the things that I wore in junior high came back as being retro cool, (jellies and plastic bracelets anyone)! Now this whole darn facebook thing has me thinking that I am bordering on being an Alzheimer's patient!

Things I Wish I Would Have Known in High School

1. There is a life outside of the little pond that you are forced to swim in and if you are a nerd in school it doesn't mean you will be a bottom feeder your whole life.

2. The pretty, rich, stuck up cheerleader is not better than anyone, even if she may want you to believe that she is. It sucks to be poor, but I believe now that it gives you more character.

3. History is important, even if your teacher puts you to sleep. Now, with my addiction to Anderson Cooper's show, I realize that history plays such a vital role in our lives. I wish now that I would have had the ability to keep my eyes open during at least some of my history classes.

4. Don't stress out over the small things! Even if you feel like you have Mount Vesuvius on your face or are having the worst hair day ever, there are so many more important things in the world. Count your blessings that those are the only things you are having to deal with.

A Few Things that I Have Realized

I celebrated my 34th birthday a couple of weeks ago. I use the term celebrated loosely, meaning I greatly enjoy the cake and presents, but would rather just continue to say that I am 29. I realize now, though, that I am no spring chicky and I need to do a few things to get prepared.

1. Start saving up now for botox. I could also try to get on E!'s Dr.90210, because I think the people on there usually look amazing.
2. Start memorizing the menu for Denny's since I will soon be getting the senior citizen discount! Nothing like a Moons over my Hammy at 3 pm!
3. I must get better at bingo! I really suck at it and I must start winning if it is going to help me supplement my income when I retire!
4. Stop checking my mail. Yesterday I was feeling just fine. I was having a good hair day and not feeling TOO old, until I opened my mailbox. Inside was a brochure, not addressed to resident, but with my full name, so they knew EXACTLY who they were targeting. What you may ask, was this brochure that was the catalyst for me writing this blog and for making me feel twice my age? It was for a hearing aid! Maybe I can't see quite as well as I used to, but gosh darn it I can still hear!

Guys and Dolls

Why are dolls that boys play with called figurines? Are they not made out of the same plastic material as Barbie, whom as far as I know is indeed a doll? Does the word figurine just sound more masculine and therefore helps a guy feel better about playing with a doll? Hmm...

I have been pondering this since a recent trip to WalMart with my husband. He was quite appalled when I called these little soldiers, that apparently were from one of the video games he has, dolls. He wanted the collection of them which made me question why a 33 year old man would want a bunch of dolls. I was quickly informed that they were not dolls, they were "collectible figurines".

Maybe I would have taken better care of my Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake when I was younger had I of realized they were "collectible figurines"!

Signs That A Relationship is Over

Everyone would love to end up like Cinderella, with a pair of pretty glass slippers, a beautiful castle and a handsome prince. Unfortunately, that is just not in the cards for everyone. Not to mention the fact that if everyone were happy all of the advice columnists would be put out of business, Dr. Phil would not have a show and sales of Ben & Jerry's would be down and with these hard economic times everyone needs all of the business that they can get.

Sometimes when a relationship is OVER we just want to turn a blind eye to it. If only we could wake up and see reality it would save a lot of time and energy. Here are some signs that I have noticed that show that a relationship is done:

1. Your significant other looks absolutely miserable in all of your pictures together. In case you don't remember, in Cinderella, prince charming always had a smile when he saw his princess. If your other half has a scowl every time you look at them that is probably not a good sign at all. If they look as if they are trying to make a break for it in every couples picture you take, if they look like they would rather rip their arm off than have you grab it, if they look like they are taking a mug shot rather than a picture with you, just cut your losses now.

2. Your significant other wants to move in, but doesn't want to pay the bills. Do you just want to be a pit stop for someone needing room and board or do you want a relationship? If you are providing room and board, water, electricity and food and not expecting any help you are being taking advantage of. You are not the Hyatt, let him/her find their own place to live.

3. You do not get along with their parents. Now, this doesn't always have to mean the end, there is such a thing as a restraining order! Better yet, you can always follow my golden rule-Marry an orphan!

4. If you tell everyone you are in a relationship, but you haven't seen your significant other for months, they won't return your calls and have already told you a trillion times they want to be single then you need help. If you find yourself talking in third person about your relationship with him/her you need Prozac!

5. If you are making plans to have children, get married, go on a fabulous vacation, etc., with someone who does not want to be with you, then you need to wake up and smell the coffee, my friend!

If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, just consider yourself lucky that they are letting you know now. Life is too short to waste time on people who do not deserve you. Consider a break up your opportunity to find someone who is worthy of you!

Mum's the word, but what is it saying?

Homecoming mum's are a tradition that has always baffled me. I have never understood why girls across the country would get all ready for their school's homecoming game and then cover up their entire outfit, their entire body in most cases, with a whole slew of ribbons and flowers.

What makes it even worse is that the mum is a status symbol of sorts. The girl who only has one flower on her mum is made to feel inferior to the girl whose parents, or boyfriend, splurged on three flowers! If you are really well off you have the fancy schmancy mum with three mums, teddy bears, whistles and so many ribbons that you have to pick up the ends to keep from tripping over it.

I don't think that the person who invented the saying, "Your daughter is blossoming into such a lovely young lady", meant the saying literally.

Weekly Words to Live By

This week the words of wisdom are from Marilyn! Now if I could get all of the single girls in the world to realize that this quote is true the world would be a happier place!


Marilyn Monroe Quotes GlamCrazy.com

KARMA

Karma is defined as: One's acts considered as fixing one's lot in the future existence. The doctrine of fate as the inflexible result of cause and effect; the theory of inevitable consequence.

Or more loosely as realizing someone that thinks that they are God's gift to the world and once greatly insulted your intelligence can not even spell his own city on his company's website! Sometimes saying nothing in your defense and waiting for things to come back around is the best thing you can do! Now back to happy thoughts! :)

Weekly Words to Live By

If God would have wanted us to sleep in tents, get bitten by ants and have to pee behind a tree he would not have given architects the brains to build hotels! (That is my summer vacation tip for everyone!:) )

Weekly Words to Live By

This week I am going to quote one of my favorites that I read from Fanny Jackson Coppin. "Good manners will often take people where neither money nor education will take them". I love this one because good manners are so often forgotten in today's society, unfortunately.

Yet Another Set of Things in Life I Will Never Understand

1. Why do the stores now have self check out, but yet you do not get a discount for being your own cashier? They are saving money by you doing the work! Hmm...

2. Why would people want their 15 minutes of fame bad enough to go on some of these reality television shows? I would not want to be famous for making a fool out of myself in front of Simon Cowell, eating some random nastiness on Survivor or being told that I look like a drag queen on America's Next Top Model! If you have what it takes that is one thing, but some people should have the sense to know that they do not!

3. Why is it when I go to the art museum I see canvases with one color swiped across it, a whole exhibit full of nothing but clothing tags, paintings with just paint splattered in various colors, but I can not sell artwork on Etsy to save my life?

4. Why do people mistreat the homeless when the average American is only a few paychecks away from being that way as well?

Weekly Words To Live By

Try not to do anything in life that could make you a candidate for the Jerry Springer show.

Weekly Words To Live By

If you are having a fat day avoid shopping for jeans! They will make you leave the dressing room feeling like you need a prescription for Prozac. Stick with shopping for pretty shoes. They fit whether or not you have put on 10 pounds!

More Things In Life That I Will Never Understand

Exhibit A

1. Why do people get plastic surgery to the point that they all look like the same person-the Grinch?!? (see exhibit A)



2. Why do some people put those huge antennas on their cars? Are they trying to contact Martians?



3.Why does Wal Mart boast that they have one of the largest workforces yet you can rarely find someone to help you?



4. Why do they say high school is the best time of your life? What is so great about pimples, not having your own means of transportation and having to save your allowance for weeks just to go to the movies?



5. Why do people plaster their last names on the back windshield of their cars? If they are too messed up to remember their own names do they really have any business driving?

Weekly Words to Live By

A girl who wears these, while she may come in handy for having extra $1's for the vending machines and toll roads, is probably not the type to try to make a lasting relationship with.

Things In Life That I Will Never Understand

1. Why would anyone be a polygamist? It doesn't seem to work in anyone's favor. What man in their right mind would want to put up with multiple PMS issues in one month? What woman would be satisfied wearing the same freaking outfit and hairdo as 100 other women in the compound?

2. Why do some parents still leave their small children in department stores unattended? Do they not watch America's Most Wanted? If I had a dime for everytime I was in Wal Mart and heard over the loud speaker that they were looking for a child's parents I would be very well off at this point! Stick little Bobby Joe's butt in that basket and get your shopping on!

3. When do fish sleep? Or do they at all? They never seem to stop moving and I have tried to catch mine off guard. Never do they seem to take a break.

4. Why do some people dye their hair for years and then one day decide to let their natural hair grow out? They proceed to, every few months, cut off some of the dyed hair to the point that it is one color at the root, one color at the ends for like 5 years! Wouldn't it be easier to just dye it back the natural color and not have to be a Glamour don't for all of those years? I am all for nice, natural, healthy hair, but just get it over with already!

5. Why do girls like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have careers? I do not know of anyone who thinks that they can act, sing or whatever it is they are getting paid for, but yet they are still everywhere! If I had a young girl who looked up to either of these girls I would seriously ground them until the day they got better taste in role models! I would put them in a room where they could only watch Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts to show them how young girls should grow up to act. Classy!

Weekly Words to Live By

There is not a college in the world that can help a close minded fool be any less foolish.

Weekly Words to Live By

If your husband comes home from a business trip with women’s underwear in his suitcase, you have one of two problems. First he is either a lying cheat or second he is a cross dresser. The second choice may actually prove to be more beneficial as at least maybe he can share make up secrets.


(Oops, just to keep my very nice hubby out of trouble, this is not something that he did, nor would he do as he would fear I would injure him! LOL! :) It is a true life story though and the player, literally, shall remain nameless.)

Weekly Words to Live By

This is the first edition of weekly words to live by. I will update every week with little tidbits of info that may be of use to someone out there! They may not always be nice, they may not always be pretty, but they will definitely be true! And the first life lesson is, drum roll please,

Marry an orphan.

Please explain to me

these boots!

I saw a girl this weekend wearing them. Granted I was at a show for Ace Frehley, former KISS guitarist, but she was not actually performing with the band. Unless you are actually Gene Simmons or are trying to rescue a kitten from a tree they are just not practical! Everyday clothing should not be ordered from a Halloween shop!